Every Erev Shabbat and Shabbat morning congregants come to Temple to recite Kaddish on the yahrzeit of their loved ones. But what exactly is a yahrzeit? What is the difference between yahrzeit and yizkor? Who can say Kaddish? Most importantly, when there is a death in your family, how can the Temple be of assistance to you and your family?

HOW MAY WE HELP YOU
If you experience a death in the family, please call the Temple and let us know. Rabbi Cohen and Cantor Childs are always available to speak with you and help you through this difficult time. Often, family friends contact us with the news of a death. When you call the Temple office, please let the staff know the name of the deceased, the date of death, and if possible, the date of burial. If you plan to sit shiva (more on that below), please let us know the dates and times. (We would also like to know whether you plan to observe the Hebrew or civil anniversary of the death, but this can be determined at a later time.)

The Funeral Some families choose to have the funeral service at the Temple prior to the graveside service; others prefer only the latter. If you choose to have a memorial service sometime after the funeral, the office will help you make the necessary arrangements. Please note that both local mortuaries, McDermott-Crockett and Welch-Ryce-Haider, are well-versed in Jewish funeral rituals. (However, if you are interested in learning about and participating in the mitzvot of shomer - staying with the deceased until burial, and tahara - preparing the body for burial, please contact Cantor Childs.)

Rituals of Mourning
Traditionally, you are only required to observe the rituals of mourning if the deceased was your parent, spouse, sibling, or child.

Shiva
The seven-day mourning period of “shiva” (Hebrew for “seven”) begins immediately after the funeral. While shiva customs vary, these are commonly observed:

• Lighting of a shiva candle, upon returning home from the cemetery. This candle burns for seven days. Based on folk custom, it is said to dispel the darkness that a death brings. No blessing accompanies the lighting of the shiva candle. This candle is provided by the mortuary and is also available at Temple.

• Eating a “meal of consolation” (or condolence), which is often provided by friends of the mourners. The members of our Caring Community are also available to provide this meal; please ask Rabbi or Cantor.

• Reciting kaddish with a shiva minyan at your home. A minyan is a group of 10 Jewish adults that is required to have a public prayer service. This will allow you to say kaddish for your loved one (kaddish, although commonly referred to as a prayer for the dead, is actually a prayer of thanksgiving to God). Traditionally, a minyan is held for seven days (Shabbat and other holidays at the synagogue) each morning and/or evening. We encourage you to attend a service on the Shabbat immediately following the funeral, when your loved one’s name will be read and the congregation will join you in reciting kaddish. Please note that traditionally, you are only required to recite kaddish if the deceased was your parent, spouse, sibling, or child.

Shloshim
From the Hebrew word “thirty,” shloshim refers to the 30 days from burial. The name of the deceased will be read before kaddish at Temple on Shabbat.

“Unveiling”
You may lay a memorial plaque at the grave site any time after shiva. The memorial plaque, which is covered with a cloth, is “unveiled” during the service. A brief service may be held, at which prayers and psalms are recited, and words of remembrance may be offered. The presence of clergy is not required for an unveiling; however, Rabbi and Cantor can be invited to attend or provide you with appropriate readings.

You may choose to observe this anniversary based on the secular date or the Hebrew date. Shortly after the end of shloshim, a staff member from the Temple office will call you and ask which date you would like to observe. Based on this date, you will receive a “yahrzeit notice” a month prior to the anniversary of the death, telling you on which Shabbat the deceased’s name will be read. We encourage you to light a yahrzeit candle (available at Temple and most supermarkets) and attend Shabbat services, when your loved one’s name will be read. You may also consider holding a minyan at your home; contact Rabbi or Cantor for more details.

Yizkor
“Yizkor” comes from the Hebrew verb “to remember.” There are four additional days during the Hebrew year when you may light a yahrzeit candle and recite special memorial prayers during services at Temple: Yom Kippur, the morning of Simchat Torah, seventh day of Passover, and the morning of Shavuot. The Temple office would be happy to provide you with these dates.

Memorial Plaque at the Temple
You may choose to honor the memory of your loved one by purchasing a memorial plaque, to be mounted in the Girsh/Hochman Sanctuary. Please contact the Temple office for details.

Grief
Grief is a natural reaction to death. If you need help in dealing with your grief or in adjusting to life without your loved one, please contact Rabbi Cohen or Cantor Childs. Jewish Family Service (957-1116) can also provide you with assistance.

Rabbi and Cantor are available to answer any questions you have regarding customs of death and mourning. We are here to help!